I’ve been in a fight with Kinky Friedman

For a little over 2 years I’ve been in a fight with Kinky Friedman. So today when I saw him at Cisco’s eating breakfast with a pouty, young filly I was ready to square off. I didn’t realize it was him when we first sat down, but after a game of non-musical chairs directed by the 3 year old, I was facing him. We made eye contact and I gave him a little snarl and looked away. After filling my belly with some breakfast tacos I was in a better mood but still not smiling in his direction.

Honestly I think he was intrigued by my lack of excitement since he’s a bit of a local/statewide celebrity. OK maybe not, but what he did was WRONG. It all happened one morning in May of 2005. I woke up early and got Camilla (then 18 months old) dressed in a patriotic yet Japanese style dress. She and I drove to BookPeople with 4 vouchers for Bill Clinton’s “My Life”. Clinton was there to sign copies of the book.

The line was incredible. After kinky.jpg2 hours of waiting we were a little over half way through. Do you know what it is like to stand practically still for hours with a toddler in tow? Not recommended. A woman in front of me didn’t even have a voucher but she was hoping someone would get tired and sell theirs. It was hot and tiring but exciting to see the secret service walking around everywhere. Another hour passed and we were almost to the front door of the store when Kinky Friedman shows up with his campaign staff and friends. 30 people were ushered in in front of us. I wasn’t angry at this point because I almost was inside. That’s when the employee comes out and says they were cutting the line off. 8 people were in front of me. I was 8 people away from Bill Clinton. My daughter’s fair cheeks were red from the heat and I just hung my head. We were offered refunds but I managed to get 2 books that he had previously signed. That’s when I announced to the people around me (presumably all Democrats) that I would vote for Rick Perry before I vote for Kinky Friedman for governor.

I was going to tell Bill that I had been grounded for putting a Clinton/Gore bumper sticker on my mother’s car back in 1996. I was 17 and couldn’t vote at the time. He was going to laugh “ah ha ha” and tell me what a beautiful child I have. But oh no, that cigar-chewing, ugly vest wearing, fake cowboy had to wreck it for me by cutting in line.

So today I bit my lip and let him enjoy his breakfast in peace. When a woman approached him to ask if he’d pose with her family in a photo, he obliged. Then more people came for photos. I had my digital camera and for a second I was tempted. Both daughters of mine were in smiley moods. But I remembered the injury he caused and ignored the opportunity.

Camilla and I headed for the bathroom and he was gone when we came back to the table. Daniel told me that when he got up to leave, he came over to Violet, wagged his cigar at her and gurgled some sweet nothings. Oh no! He’s offering an olive branch. I accept Mr. Friedman. I guess now you could say I’m Kinky neutral. That’s what happens when a person crushes one of your dreams but then talks sweetly to the newest love of your life.

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4 responses to “I’ve been in a fight with Kinky Friedman

  1. Oh my God, this is hilarious. Well, tragic. But funny how you tell it. I have a similar situation story involving Michael Jackson and the British Museum. But there are a lot of other reasons to not like the king of pop, so I mainly focus on those.

  2. Oh, man! You have got to add the Digg This script to your posts. These are gems and it would really be nice to digg it.

  3. You’re lovely and amazing but you should have sicced Camilla on him

  4. Girl con Queso you are welcome to guest post your Michael Jackson/British Museum story anytime. You can’t just leave us hanging like that

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